I don’t know what to say, but I have to say something.

The sun was out today for the first time in what seems like weeks — and yet, today feels like the darkest day of all.

The death of George Floyd at the hands — sorry, knee — of a degenerate Minneapolis police officer has sparked what I can only describe as a revolution. Peaceful protests began in Minneapolis a couple of days ago, but quickly spread to nearly every city across the country. Some of these protests aren’t exactly peaceful anymore, and there are a million people to blame for that (starting with you know who). But that’s not the point.

People are more concerned condemning the riots themselves than what the riots stand for and fight for.

— Jackson Frank (@jackfrank_jjf) May 30, 2020

Yeah, burning your own cities to the ground is probably not the best course of action. Then again, the peaceful protests didn’t work either. This is why Colin Kaepernick kneeled during the national anthem. This is what he was taking a stand against. Everyone knows that right? Right? If you need a refresher — actually scratch that. Everyone please read Sally Jenkins’ column titled “This is why Colin Kaepernick took a knee”. The first paragraph is jaw-dropping.

Two knees. One protesting in the grass, one pressing on the back of a man’s neck. Choose. You have to choose which knee you will defend. There are no half choices, there is no room for indifference. There is only the knee of protest, or the knee on the neck.

Sally Jenkins

Furthermore, who am I to tell these protesters how to feel? I’m just a white kid who spent my teenage years in a bowling alley with mostly other white kids. I don’t know what being oppressed and treated as a lesser being on a daily basis feels like. I couldn’t possibly understand the daily struggles of being black, or any type of minority for that matter, in America.

Let me tell you a quick story. A few months ago, my team was told we were taking a bus from campus (in Harrogate, Tennessee) to Dallas, Texas for a college tournament. I was not about to take a 20-hour one-way bus ride, so I researched flight prices, wrote up a detailed proposal and brought it to someone who works in the athletics department. My proposal would have saved the school somewhere between two to five thousand dollars. I was told no. So, I found another employee in the athletics department who would listen and finally got the plan approved. I couldn’t fathom how someone would turn down thousands of dollars in savings, as well as over a full day’s worth of travel time. It ate me up inside for weeks.

Recently, I’ve looked back on that moment with a different perspective. I realized that was probably one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. Yeah, almost having to take a long bus ride and having my proposal initially turned down is probably one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. White privilege is real and I’m aware that many of the great things I have in my life are a result of it.

Another quick story: Back in high school, a few friends and I were playing basketball on a court behind a local elementary school, as teenagers do. One night, two cops showed up armed with massive guns. For about three seconds, I was absolutely terrified. We had no idea what the fuck was going on.

The cops came over and explained that they had gotten reports of loud noises and that the school might be being robbed. They soon realized that the only noises were us hanging out and shooting hoops. The cops said something along the lines of “Look, technically, this is school property and you kids are trespassing, but just keep the noise down and we’ll let you stay.” They left, but we only stayed for like ten more minutes transfixed in state of utter shock of what just happened before then we went home. 

I’ve been thinking about that moment a lot the past couple of days.

I can’t help but wonder what might have happened that night if the color of my skin was different. Would my friends and I have been arrested? Would the cops have aimed their weapons at us?

The whole country needs to stop right now and listen to Killer Mike. He’s verbalizing what a lot of us don’t know how to express pic.twitter.com/yiBEaicRGT

— ment (@mentnelson) May 30, 2020

I’ve also been thinking a lot about why George Floyd’s particular case is creating such an emotional reaction both in myself and across the country. Like hopefully everyone, I’ve been sick and tired of hearing stories and seeing videos of cops murdering unarmed black men for no fucking reason for quite some time. However, a significant part of the country has been fed up with the racial injustice for much longer — like a few centuries longer.

So what about Floyd’s death in particular sparked a nationwide revolution? Maybe it was the barbarous, inhumane nature of the cop pressing down on Floyd’s neck for nine minutes. (Nine fucking minutes. That’s not a split-second decision or an instinctive reaction. That’s murder.) Or maybe society just reached a tipping point and snapped.

"It is a lynching at the highest level. No one can deny that," Dr. @CornelWest tells @andersoncooper of the death of George Floyd. "I thank God that we have people in the streets."

"Could you imagine this kind of lynching taking place and people were indifferent?" he asks. pic.twitter.com/r8iSUjJ3db

— Anderson Cooper 360° (@AC360) May 30, 2020

Personally, I think my heightened reaction has to do with guilt for not being more vocal earlier. Trayvon Martin’s shooting was the first racially motivated shooting that I remember experiencing. I was a 13-year-old kid who literally only cared about sports. So, when athletes like LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and the Miami Heat took a stand, it opened my eyes that there are things so much bigger than sports. Not once in the past eight years do I recall ever believing what any of the officers have done in any of these killings was right; yet, this is the first time I’ve been intensely vocal in sharing my opinion publicly. That’s not right and it hasn’t sat well with me.

Additionally, I have friends who have acted in ways that I wouldn’t exactly describe as “racially tolerant”. We all do. We all have people in our lives who have flaws that we overlook, but we love them anyway.

Here’s what my friends used to (and sometimes still) do. When we’d watch the NFL games together most Sundays, my friends used to literally stand for the national anthem in the living room. They’d mock me for siding with Kaepernick.

Some of these friends throw around the n-word for what they would call “fun”. Some use the word when they greet their parents. “Hey Dad, what’s up n – – – – – “. Of course, they only do this when they know no black people are around to call them on it.

But I was there. And I didn’t say much of anything.

They knew I supported Kaepernick and that I didn’t like the jokes or the use of the word, but I rarely made any effort to stop them, try to change them, or show them why they were (at best) being racially insensitive.

I think I stayed quiet because I wrote a lot of it up to kids being kids. I hoped (perhaps delusionally) that these people that I considered friends weren’t racist or racially intolerant at heart, that they didn’t actually believe these things — they just said them because they had a sick, deeply immature sense of humor. 

In the sake of honesty, I myself laughed at some of these jokes. I could say that I didn’t know any better or just didn’t want to cause any trouble, but that’s only deflecting the blame. If we want to change this cultural plague, we have to be brutally honest with ourselves.

All of these thoughts have been swirling in my head for who knows how long and have led me to this: We all have friends that have flaws we overlook. But maybe it’s time we stop overlooking some of these flaws. Maybe they said those awful things because they believed them.

It’s time we start having honest conversations with our buddies, classmates, co-workers and families about our reality, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. If they aren’t willing to listen or change, maybe it’s time to move on and find new ones.

I’ve found the silence of certain people can be more overwhelming than the non-stop updates. You know who these people are in your life. They don’t say anything in support of the protests publicly. Not a peep about how George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and the countless others deserve justice. Not a word about how the president of the United States continues to actively increase tension by taking the side of the white supremacists.

Some people are just quiet on social media. That’s okay. Some people don’t feel comfortable discussing politics on social media. That’s okay, too.

But this is not a political issue and this isn’t about being comfortable. This is a civil rights and human rights issue. This is not about whether you think marijuana should be legalized — this is about whether you think it’s okay for white cops to kill black men solely because of the color of their skin.

As Sally Jenkins said, you have to choose which knee you will defend. You cannot play the Switzerland card anymore. One side supports basic human rights, the other side supports systemic racism. There is only one correct answer.

---

That’s about all I have to say. As the title says, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say, but I couldn’t stay quiet anymore. I’m not claiming to be some perfect person who has always done the right thing. I’m just trying to be a better one. I’ll leave you all with a few tweets/thoughts/clips that struck me:

I think about this Michael Che bit all the time pic.twitter.com/7M79VjUU84

— doctorlove (@feelickss) May 28, 2020

Never forget @getnickwright's rant from 2016. Here we are in 2020 facing the same issues and his message rings as true as ever. #BlackLivesMatter #JusticeForGeorge @TheHerd @JoyTaylorTalks @ColinCowherd pic.twitter.com/tfJ4WOtaLZ

— LA Galaxy 310 (@LAGalaxy310) May 30, 2020

You are either racist or anti-racist.

Simply being "not-racist" is not good enough. You must actively be AGAINST racism and injustice.

If you do not speak out against racism, you are on the side of the racists.

If you are a racist: block me now so I never see ur name again.

— Mo Mooncey (@TheHoopGenius) May 30, 2020