The 2019 NFL Draft’s first round took place last night and while it didn’t quite live up to the craziness I hoped, there is plenty to discuss.


Winner: Kliff Kingsbury, Fortune Teller

I’m going to skip over the Arizona Cardinals and Kyler Murray for the most part because there has been enough written about them already. With that said, I don’t think people are talking enough about how Kliff Kingsbury said he would take Kyler #1, long before there was even a remote possibility of him ever being an offensive coordinator in the NFL, let alone a head coach. And it actually happened.

Loser: Giants Fans

The night began with a lucky fan winning New York Giants season tickets for the next century, ironic foreshadowing of the travesty to come. The Giants owned two first round selections and later traded for a third; most fans would be ecstatic in that situation – except Giants’ fans have Dave Gettleman running their team.

They drafted Duke QB Daniel Jones sixth overall, to which Bleacher Report’s draft guru Matt Miller said “I’ve been covering the draft for 9 years, (Daniel Jones at No. 6) is my least favorite pick.” The Bills took tremendous criticism for selecting Josh Allen last year, but at least Allen possessed valuable traits for an NFL quarterback (strong arm, athleticism, elite potential). Jones’ only discernible traits are that he’s boring, white and kinda looks like Eli Manning if you squint really hard.

Then, the Giants selected Clemson’s Dexter Lawrence, a 340 pound nose tackle at #17 overall (from the Odell Beckham Jr. trade). He’s a fine player, but there’s minimal value in a nose tackle in the mid-first round. To conclude the evening’s festivities, the Giants traded back into the first round for Georgia CB Deandre Baker.

Giants fans, I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’ve done to deserve this. Dave Gettleman’s actions last night cannot be justified by any rationality.

Winner: Buffalo Bills

I might be biased here, but the Bills got an absolute steal in Houston DL Ed Oliver. He ranked in the top three of many big boards and was the best player in the draft to some, yet Buffalo snagged him at #9 overall. Oliver is an athletic freak, drawing comparisons to Aaron Donald. Interior defensive line wasn’t exactly a need for the Bills, but Oliver simply had too talent and too much upside to pass. After dealing with the disappointment of Josh Allen last year, the Bills Mafia deserved a win this year.

The Bills brought super fan Ezra Castro, better known as Pancho Billa, on stage last year to announce their third round selection. Castro could not attend this year’s draft because his 18-month bout with cancer recently placed him in hospice care. This year, the Bills allowed Castro to officially call in their first round selection of Oliver in a truly heartwarming moment. Winners all around in Buffalo, New York.

Loser: Jon Gruden, Secret Genius

After Gruden’s series of initially bad trades started to pay off, a few football experts began to wonder if Gruden was secretly a genius after all. Let’s look back at the summation of Gruden’s moves.

Traded away:

  • Khalil Mack
  • Amari Cooper
  • early 2020 second round pick

Acquired:

  • # 4 DE Clelin Ferrell
  • #24 RB Josh Jacobs
  • #27 S Johnathan Abram
  • late 2020 first round pick

“Jon Gruden, Secret Genius” was put to bed last night after the Raiders reached for Clelin Ferrell at #4 (when you like a player more than everyone else, maybe trade down and get some extra assets before you draft him). Gruden then drafted Alabama RB Josh Jacobs and Mississippi State S Johnathan Abram, who play two positions with minimal first round value. Mack and Cooper may cost significantly in terms of money, but that’s more than a fair trade off for elite talent, especially in Mack’s case.

Loser Winner: Washington Redskins

Sorry, I just assumed the Redskins were going to screw up the draft when it became public that owner Dan Snyder had taken over the war room. It was clear Ohio State QB Dwayne Haskins was the guy Snyder coveted (partially because he went to school with Snyder’s son), but it was widely anticipated that Washington would need to trade up to get him. Because of the Giants’ ineptitude and a series of teams passing on quarterbacks, Haskins fell right into the Redskins lap at #15.

Then, the Redskins capitalized on Montez Sweat’s slide and moved back into the first round to snatch him at #26. Sweat was a top-10 player on some big boards, so to find him late in the first round is another bargain. All in all, Washington walked away with the QB they desperately wanted (he’s actually good, too) and another stud pass rusher.

Winner: Seattle Seahawks

The Seahawks aren’t winners for selecting TCU DE L.J. Collier; they are winners for more than doubling their number of picks in this draft. Between the Frank Clark trade and last night’s trade downs, Seattle increased its draft capital from 4 picks to 9. The draft is a crap shoot; the best way to win is to play the most hands. Seattle needs to fill out its rapidly depleting roster and has set themselves up to do so.

Winner: Lamar Jackson and the Ravens

The Ravens traded down three spots from #22 to #25 and still got their guy in Oklahoma WR Marquise Brown. Brown is the perfect receiver for the modern NFL, an explosive speed demon with elite route running ability. Contrary to popular belief, Jackson actually can throw the football. Now he will actually have an open target to throw to.

Loser: Marquise Brown’s Fantasy Value

Brown perfectly fills a need in Baltimore, but it’s unclear if the Ravens have the offensive coaching staff to unleash Brown. If Brown had gone to the right team, like the Colts or the Packers, Brown would have become one of the league’s elite receivers and a fantasy football favorite. Instead, he’ll probably become a under utilized deep threat that will flourish when he leaves Baltimore in four years.

Loser: Kansas City Chiefs

Before the draft began, an horrifying audio file revealing a conversation between Tyreek Hill and his finance was released. Hill admits to breaking his three-year old son’s arm and further threatens his fiance saying “You need to be terrified of me too, bitch”. More details can be found here. The Chiefs suspended Hill from all team activities for now, but he is inevitably going to be cut and should probably never play another snap in the NFL.

From a football perspective, there was a perfect Hill replacement available in Marquise Brown, but they traded their first round pick already in a deal for Frank Clark. While other teams may have had lost the draft, the Chiefs were the league’s biggest losers last night.

Winner: Every Single Player Drafted

The biggest winners are the 32 individuals who heard their names called last night. We often think of the draft as the time when our favorite team’s acquire the next generation of talent, but it’s so much more than that. Josh Jacobs was homeless in middle school and didn’t have a bed until college. Marquise Brown started at a junior college in California, working as a roller coaster attendant to make ends meet. From Kyler Murray to N’Keal Harry, each one of them just had their childhood dreams become reality, becoming instant multi-millionaires in the process. Congratulations to every single player drafted tonight and the remaining 222 players who will be drafted.